“I’ve always wanted to be a politician,” I said,
chuckling, “You know, be the President someday.” I laughed then, and
I had no idea why. Thinking of the President, his situation at the
present, and what I would have done if I was in his shoes probably
tickled me some. What I had said was true nonetheless. I did want to
be a politician. Still do.
“Really,” Dr. Simon replied, turning his
attention away from his laptop to me. His eyes were sparkling. I had
learned with time that he only does that when I tell him something
new. “And what would you do if you were?”
I laughed again. “You know, the usual. Clean up
the government. It seems so easy, but I probably wouldn’t know where
to start when and if I’m finally there.”
“You’re right,” he said, “I’ve always thought
that a lot of politicians start with noble intentions, but they get
all swallowed up in all those greed until... well, until greed
becomes normal. I’m not saying they’re all greedy, but that they’re
somewhat tainted.”
“Psh! I don’t believe that. I’m sure there are
some who managed stay untainted,” I said, drawing quotation marks in
the air at the word “untainted”.
“I don’t think so.” He grinned at me, looking
rather smug.
“Adults always think they’re right,” I muttered,
going back to my Rubik’s Cube.
I heard him chuckle. When I looked at him, he was
already back to whatever it is he was working on in his laptop,
which, as far as I remember, was what he has been doing from the
first session that I’d had with him.
I remember the day we first met. It was the day
after I got released from the hospital. Everyone had thought that I
needed him - someone like him - but I had been of a different
opinion. When I was finally alone with him, he had said, “Hi, Jake.
I got here a PS if you want to play some games and the fridge if
you’re hungry. Just help yourself. You want a Coke?”
I remember thinking that he wasn’t exactly my
movie shrink.
After handing me a can of Mountain Dew, he went
to his laptop and started to fill the room with the sound of him
hacking away on his keyboard. I shrugged my shoulders and turned on
both the TV and the PS and played Tekken until my dad came for me.
I can’t even remember anymore when Greg and I had
started talking. All I know was that he knew a lot more stuff about
me than anyone in this world did. He had become a treasured friend,
and I wouldn’t know what to do if he’d suddenly disappear. I sure am
glad that Dad had thought I needed to talk to a “professional”
because he thought that the accident had traumatized me. And yeah,
because of the other thing too.
About a year after our first meeting, Greg had
stopped billing Dad for my sessions with him. I was pronounced
mentally fit. Though when I told Greg that, he had frowned, clearly
not thrilled with how I saw myself, but he didn’t say anything to
correct me.
I didn’t stop going to his office after school
hours though, and as far as I know, he had long since reserved that
last hour of work for me. My dad had been hesitant at first, saying
that I would be keeping the doctor from earning the money that he
deserved, but Greg had talked to him and set him straight. Nothing
special really happened. We just picked up where we left off. We
would either talk or play a game together, but he would always be
working on that file in his laptop. When it was time for him to go
home, he would either take me out to dinner or drive me home
directly.
Now, though, already more than two years since my
first session with him, I felt that we’d already talked about
everything that we could possibly talk about.
Except for that file in his laptop.
It wasn’t work related; that much I knew.
I looked up from my Rubik’s Cube and cleared my
throat just loud enough to let him know that I was about to say
something. “Do you mind me asking what’s that you’re always working
on?”
He laughed, you know, that kind of laugh that’s
both heartfelt and embarrassed at the same time. “It’s a novel,” he
said, but refused to look at me. He was blushing.
So I decided to tease him about it. “A romance
novel? Erotica?”
He got even redder. “I would have you know that
it indeed has a little romance, but it is definitely a whodunnit.”
“Well, I hope the main character is not a
detective. That’s sooooo cliché! But if he’s anything like a shrink,
you best keep that in your laptop!”
“Har har. Actually, he was a shrink, as you so
nicely put it.” He paused. Then he looked at me with an enigmatic
smile. “But something’s made me change him. That’s why it’s taken me
this long. I had to rewrite it from the start.”
“So if he’s not a shrink anymore, what is he
now?”
“I’ll tell you when it’s published. Actually, I’d
do better than that. I’ll give you a copy.”
“You mean someone made a drunken mistake of
publishing it?” I smirked at him.
“Yep, it’s going to be published as soon as my
editor and I have everything ironed out,” he said, ignoring my
smartass comment.
I was happy for him. But, more than anything, I
was definitely curious about his writing career.
“Is that one of your dreams? Becoming a writer?”
I asked him.
“You could say that. But I’ve always been
writing. I guess, what my dream actually was, was to be a published
writer.”
I nodded my head, you know, in that contemplating
kind of way. “So... any more unfulfilled dreams?”
“If traveling around the world is a dream,
then...”
“Well, you know me. I got lots of them,” I said,
unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.
“Jake...”
I ignored him. “I wanted to fly a plane. I wanted
to play pro basketball. I wanted to build my own house. I wanted to
prosecute criminals then become a judge later. I wanted to go hiking
and camp out alone for a week. I wanted to learn how to surf. I
wanted to...”
I almost screamed in frustration. I almost threw
the Rubik’s Cube in my hands across the room; as it was, my hands
were trying to squeeze it into one little ball. I didn’t know when
I’d ever be over this thing in my life. It seemed to haunt me every
day of my life, and often, at the oddest times, at the most
unexpected moments.
I sighed loudly, but it did little to alleviate
the heaviness I felt.
“Jake, I...”
“You know, right now, my only dream is to be able
to get out of this chair, but I know that’s exactly how it’s going
to end: just a dream,” I said. “Just a dream.”
